Shadows of Shattered Souls Read online

  “I’m fine. I just needed a hand up, but Cole took that as an invitation to carry me off like a caveman!” I grumbled, annoyed, but also grateful that they all cared so much.

  “How else would you have gotten down here?” Kyle smirked, annoying me even more.

  “Same as I got up, with the crutches I have been given to use.”

  “No. Not happening Liv. You can go around the house with those things if you must, but you’re not risking the stairs on them.”

  “Put me down right now Cole!” I barked, seriously starting to lose my temper now. They were being too overbearing, and I hated it. Luckily for Cole, he heard my sharp tone and gently lowered me to the ground. I leant on the counter in the kitchen and glared at both of them.

  “This is not happening guys.” I said calmly, but firmly. “You do not get to decide what I can and cannot do just because I got hurt, and if you keep on trying we are going to have a really big problem.”

  “Livy…..” Cole started, but I cut him off.

  “I know, you want to take care of me. I’m more grateful than you know that I have all of you to look out for me, but you have to let me have breathing space, guys. I have a broken ankle, that’s all. I’m fine otherwise, and I need to be able to take care of myself, to some extent at least. I don’t want to be a victim anymore, so I need you guys to stop treating me like one, and instead just let me be your girlfriend. Please, just understand what I’m asking for.”

  “We do, we get it, but you need to understand too. We came so fucking close to losing you, and it killed us, all of us. We’re not letting that happen again. We will do everything we can to protect you, be that never letting you leave this house alone, or making sure you don’t risk your life on the stairs. We need to protect you, Princess, because we love you and we cannot go through what we just did, ever again.” Kyle said firmly, his crystal blue eyes not once leaving mine. He seemed emotional, his hands shaking slightly where he held them out in front of him for me to take.

  “I love you too, all of you.” I whispered as I took his hands, and looked around behind him where Matt and Kade now stood too, all four of them surrounding me. “I get it, and I don’t want anything to happen to me again either, but I don’t want to just hide behind the four of you anymore. I need to be tougher and stronger, and I need you to help me along the way. You guys make me feel brave enough to fight for who I want to be. You’re the ones who made me strong before this, and I need you to do that again. I d-don’t want to be weak and scared anymore.” My last words came out as a squeak, as I fought the tears that threatened.

  “You have never been weak Livy….never.” Cole reached out, his hand landing on my shoulder with a reassuring squeeze.

  “We hear you, Love. We’ll try, ok? We’ll try to step back a little where we can, but we are not going to let you endanger yourself, and we do need to be careful. Your original kidnapper could still be out there.”

  Kyle’s boss and the team they sent out near where I was found on that highway, so many weeks before, had been called back in on an urgent assignment, so that search had been halted, and so far had unearthed very little about The Shadow, or where he could have been keeping me. Kade had been working nights on it, but his team were still busy wrapping up loose ends with the TTK cases, and so they hadn’t gotten anywhere either. Just the thought that he was out there somewhere, maybe even following and watching me, made me shudder with fear, and in that regard I was happy for the guys to be overbearing. I never ever wanted to fall back into that monster’s clutches.

  “I know. I’m good with you guys being protective out in the world. I’m terrified he’s out there somewhere, and I do not want to be taken ever again.” I agreed as another shudder shook me. Cole, seeing my fear, wrapped an arm around my back and squeezed a little, reassuring me he had me. “Can we just…..when we’re here at home, can we try to get back to a little normalcy? Can things just go back to how they were before, please? I need that.”

  “We’ll try, Cariña, but things are different from before. You’re ours now, and we feel even more protective of you.” Matt answered, his voice soft and calming, as he threw me one of his lazy, sexy smiles.

  “Matt’s right, but we’ll try, Beautiful. For you, we will all try to ease off some.” Cole agreed, and Kyle and Kade nodded, though reluctantly.

  “Come on now, come and eat!” Keira called from where she, Grant and Evie sat at the dining table.

  Kyle moved to pick me up again, then stopped himself and looked down at me with apprehension as he instead took my arm and helped me hop over to the table. The others followed, likely itching to step in as I hobbled around, but none of them did, and I appreciated that they had listened, and seemed to be trying to let me struggle through a little. It meant alot that they had heeded me and my concerns.

  Dinner was quiet, Evie dominating most of the conversation as she caught us up on all of the drama and gossip that we had missed out on over the last couple of weeks from her kindergarten.

  Keira had cooked, so the guys were all quietly groaning about her dry roast beef and over cooked vegetables, happily reminding me of my first dinner with the family, weeks before.

  Though the food wasn’t a patch on Matt’s amazing cooking, I didn’t think it was as bad as they all said. I ate a little, my appetite seemingly having gone back to the non existent state it had been in when I first arrived with Keira and Grant.

  I had built up to eating small meals and snacks before I had been taken from the crash, but my days in the hospital seemed to have taken me back to the place where food just turned my stomach. The guys had been worrying about it all week, Matt trying to tempt me with all manner of foods from diners and restaurants around the hospital, but nothing, not even the cakes and pastries, appealed this time.

  “Please eat a little more, Princess.” Kyle had pleaded when I gave up and pushed the plate away. I looked up and saw worry in his eyes, on all of their faces, but I had forced down as much as I could to satisfy them, and there was no way I could eat more.

  “I’m full Kyle.” I replied as I fought to avoid any of their pleading eyes.

  “You’ve barely eaten anything. You need food to heal.” His hand touching mine forced me to look up, and across the table to him.

  “I’m trying. I’m eating what I can.” I whispered, as my throat became tight with emotion.

  “It’s ok, Cariña. I’ll make soup for you tonight, ok?” Matt offered, so softly and lovingly it pushed me over, and my tears ran free.

  “Yes please.” I nodded, and he smiled as my eyes met his deep chocolate ones.

  “I can make you something else, Honey.” Keira offered, and when I looked down the table to where she sat, she and Grant were both watching with concern. “How about some eggs…..or we may have canned soup?”

  “I could run to the store if there’s something you want, Olivia. It’s no trouble?” Grant offered quickly.

  “Thank you, both of you, but I really am full for now. I c-can’t eat any more. If it’s ok I…..I might just head up and rest for a while.”

  “Of course, Sweetheart. You go on up. Just let us know if you need anything.” Grant agreed kindly.

  “We’re here for you, Honey, whatever you need.” Keira added.

  “Thank you.”

  “Come on, Love, I’ll help you upstairs and stay with you.” Kade stood and took my arm as I attempted getting to my feet.

  “I can manage. You should stay and eat.” I argued, then grinned when he widened his eyes at me. I knew he didn't want to eat, because he hated Keira’s cooking.

  “I’m full too.” He pulled my arm a little, and I shakily moved from my seat.

  “I’ll come and help too.” Cole offered as he jumped up.

  “We should all come.” Kyle added, as he realised what was going on.

  “No guys. That’s silly. Kade can get me up there on his own. You all need to stay and finish your meals.” I countered, trying hard not to giggle as they all pu
lled faces at me, except for Kade who had a self satisfied grin on his face.

  “Olivia’s right, boys. She doesn’t need you all up there when she’s trying to rest.” Keira agreed, ending the conversation, and making me giggle even harder as I hobbled out with Kade.

  As soon as we got into the entrance hall, Kade burst out laughing and that set me off too. We had to pause at the foot of the stairs because we were laughing too hard to keep on moving. It felt good to just laugh and joke. Everything had been so serious since I woke up. I had missed this childish side of myself, and of the guys.

  “Thanks for the save.” Kade said once he finally stopped chuckling.

  “I hope you appreciate it. The others are gonna kill me for abandoning them to Keira’s cooking.”

  “I’m sure you can flutter those eyelashes and pout a little to calm them all down again.”

  “Is that all it would take to get my way?” I asked innocently and Kade smiled as he wrapped me in his arms.

  “It doesn’t even take that, Love. You know we would all do anything for you. All you need to do is ask.” He was speaking softly, almost in a whisper, his amber eyes locked in on mine. I couldn’t fight the draw towards him, and I didn't want to.

  “Good to know.” I whispered as I leant in further, meeting his lips half way.

  The kiss was short, but fiery and by the time we pulled apart my head felt as though it were buzzing, on a high of excitement and contentement.

  So far I had only kissed Cole and Kade in that way, but I couldn't wait to do it with Kyle and Matt too. I knew that our relationship was out of the ordinary, but as yet, I hadn't chosen to care what anyone else would think. The guys and I were content, and Keira and Grant had no reservations about it all, so why should I? I was happy; we all were, and we deserved that. No way I was letting anyone take that from us.

  ***

  I curled up into a foetal position, my body curled into the tightest ball I could make as silent tears dripped down my bruised and stinging face.

  I could hear his boots pounding up the steps, his breaths still heavy from the effort of what he had just done to me. I dare not move a muscle until I heard the bang of the door closing me in The Darkness, alone. I listened as he walked across the wooden floor above and then outside, as he always did after he had hurt me the way he had that day, in the worst, most soul destroying way I thought anyone could ever be hurt.

  I didn’t know why he went outside, but he always did. The upstairs would remain quiet for quite a while afterwards. I often wondered if it was his way of giving me a little peace and space after the hell he put me through each time he used me in the most disgusting way, but deep down I knew that couldn't be true. The man had no soul. He was incapable of any form of human kindness.

  Once I was sure he was gone I dared to open my eyes, which I had kept clamped for the last 5476 seconds, which I had been frantically counting in my head as he threw me around a little, then laid me down and did as he wished. I had just lain there, not moving, not fighting and not uttering a sound. I had learnt years ago that fighting was completely pointless, and only ever ended in a lot more pain for me, and noises only got him over excited and much more violent. So instead I clamped my eyes shut, and focussed everything I could on keeping a count of the passing, terror filled seconds.

  Now I opened my eyes and took a few seconds to adjust to the thick darkness surrounding me. I knew I was bleeding, because I could feel the warmth of the blood trickling between my legs, and also down my right arm, and down my neck from my chin.

  Something had smashed when he came down enraged, maybe he had a beer bottle with him? It had happened so fast I didn't see. Whatever it was, it had smashed right near my face when I dropped to the ground and I had landed chin first on a sharp shard.

  I sat up, my entire body shaking with pain, adrenaline and the desperate need to just scream and cry, but I pushed the thoughts away and instead tried to focus on my injuries. He’d likely throw me some ointment and bandages when he came back in, but for the moment all I had to clean up with was my filthy hands and the ragged t-shirt I wore.

  I moved my shaking hand to my chin, the blood trickling down my neck seeming to be flowing the fastest. I lifted the collar of the t-shirt I wore to try and stem the bleeding, but gasped when I felt a sharp pain as soon as I pressed. When I moved just my hand up to investigate, I was amazed to find the small shard of glass still embedded.

  Shocked, I pulled it free and just stared down at it in my hand. I could barely see it in the darkness, but I felt it in my palm, a thin shard about an inch long and jagged at one end.

  Tears silently ran down my face as I realised what he had left me with. He was always so careful to take everything with him when he left, everything he brought down to hurt me with. He had even stopped to clear away the broken glass before he left that day, but he had missed a piece, and I was awash with relief for a moment.

  I was young when I was taken, and knew little of ending a life, but in my time there I had learnt where my blood pounded most when I was scared, or in pain. I was a smart kid and I had spent hours considering ways to end what The Shadow was doing to me, ways to find a permanent peace. I just never had the means before. He had always been so careful, maybe so I couldn’t hurt him back, or because he feared I’d end things for myself. Either way, that was the first time anything I could use had sat in my hand, and I was so torn. I needed the pain and the torture to end. It had been 1986 days and I really didn’t know how much more I could take.

  I sat there, crying silently as I tried to decide what I should do. I wanted peace, but I wanted to live too.

  I wanted to leave The Darkness one day, and see my Mom and Dad again. I wanted to have a full life, fall in love, and have great friends. I wanted to finish high school, and see the proud smiles of my parents at graduation.

  Once again hope tortured me, making me believe one day I would find freedom, and have all of those things. I hated hope. It had no place in The Darkness, and yet, I could never quite seem to banish it.

  Torn and in floods of silent tears, I had hidden the glass shard in a tiny gap in the rough concrete floor, burying it in the filth for when things became dark enough for me to finally have the courage to use it one day.

  I shot awake, sitting up in a panic. My skin was sweaty and my hands trembled badly. My breaths were rapid and short, as I fought to convince myself it was just a memory, a nightmare.

  “Liv?” Kyle sat up beside me, and started rubbing soothing circles on my back. It was his turn to sleep with me that night, and I was so relieved he was there. “Just breathe, baby. You’re ok, I’m here with you.” He soothed calmly. I took back control of my breathing, and sank to the side into him, just needing the comfort his firm, warm body would give me. I needed to feel his bare chest beneath me to know for sure it had only been a nightmare, to know I was where I needed to be, safe with one of the men I had fallen deeply in love with.

  Kyle just held me until my breaths calmed completely, then he laid back and pulled me with him, cradling my head on his chest.

  “You want to talk about it?” He asked after a while of just silence.

  I wasn’t sure at first. It had been one of many very dark moments I had in that hell hole, and I worried Kyle would freak to know I had been so very low, but I also knew if anyone would understand my darkness, it would be him.

  “It was a memory.” I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. “It’s bad Kyle…..a really bad one.” I knew he wouldn’t stop me, but I felt I should warn him before I unloaded.

  “It’s ok, just tell me baby. I got you.”

  “It w-was about halfway through, so I was maybe thirteen.” I began. Tears were already silently flowing and I fought to calm them so I could go on. “He…..he came down as usual. He hurt me, threw me around until…..until I was too broken to fight or st-struggle, then he…...he touched me…..f-forced himself on……” A sob escaped, and Kyle wrapped his free arm around my waist and held me t
ighter. I took a deep breath and carried on, needing to get it out. “Once it was over he left and I…..I was s-so broken. I needed it to stop. It had been so long and I was sure if I didn’t find a way…..make it stop, then it n-never would. I found some glass, it was embedded in my chin.” I absentmindedly ran a finger over the scar that remained from that day, the scar Evie had pointed out the first day I met her. “I didn’t know about suicide really, but I knew if I shoved that shard of glass in my neck, where it throbbed with blood…..I knew that would be the end and I…….I was so cl.. so close. I just needed the pain to stop. I needed peace. I c-couldn’t hurt anymore. I couldn’t bear to have to lie there again while he…...he…..” I couldn't say it. Just the thought had me shaking and gasping to breathe.

  “I know Liv, I know.” Kyle whispered, telling me I didn’t need to say it, as he comforted me with his tight embrace, his hard body protecting me from the rest of the world.

  “I couldn’t though. I still had hope that one day I would g-get away from there…...hope my Mom and Dad would come for me, so I hid the shard. It came out more times, and I came really close again and again, but I never did it….never even tried. I was a coward, too scared to actually act.”

  “Don’t say that. You are the bravest person I have ever met. You survived over eight fucking years in that Hell Liv, and you came out strong and determined to live. You fought to stay strong when most people would have crumbled, and never have recovered. I hate that you had to endure even a second of it, but I am so fucking glad you came out of it all, and here to me, to us.” He whispered, and I knew he was close to tears, I heard it in the croak of his voice.

  “I’m glad I came to you too.” I agreed, pushing back some of the darkness.

  “We’re going to give you the life you deserve, Princess. We will do everything we can to make the rest of your life as happy as it all should have been.”

  “You make my life happy just by being with me.”