Handfuls of Shattered Pieces Read online

  “Good morning Olivia.” He greeted cheerfully as he walked past the woman and took his usual seat beside me.

  “Are th-they here?” I asked hopefully. I had been waiting so long. Surely as soon as my parents knew I was ok, they would come? I was sure they would come. It wouldn’t take them as long as it had been.

  “I need to speak to you about that, but first I want you to meet a friend of mine, Jenny.” As he spoke the older lady approached the bed, placing a chair beside Xander. She sat and smiled at me. Her face was deep with lines, likely made by years happy smiles, and her eyes were kind and gentle.

  “Hello Olivia. I’m pleased to meet you sweetie.” She said, and her voice instantly brought back images of my mother, her soft voice as I left her that last morning.

  “Have a great day Honey. Be careful crossing the street. I love you.” She’d said as she kissed me goodbye at the door of our happy home, just as she did every morning.

  “Olivia?” Xander’s smooth voice pulled me from the memory and I snapped my eyes open, not even realising I had closed them. “You doing ok?” He asked as he studied me with concern.

  “Ok.” I replied with a nod. My voice was still the sandpaper rough croak of a whisper, but was very gradually becoming stronger. I tended to stick to single words where possible if I had to speak at all.

  “I brought Jenny here today because I know she is absolutely the best person to help you. I…..Olivia, I have some bad news sweetheart. I hate to have to tell you, but you have to know so we can decide what to do next for the best for you.” The reluctance in his words had me terrified. Whatever he was about to tell me, he really didn’t want to.

  I knew, deep down. I knew what he was going to say. I had begun to think it already, when there had been no word from my parents the night before. I knew if they were able, they’d have been there in a heartbeat, or at least made sure I knew they were on their way. They loved me, I had always known that. They loved me and they would never leave me scared and alone, unless...

  “Your parents, I’m so sorry, but they are both gone. Your mom died after a long battle with cancer two years ago and your dad, he died just a year later in a car accident. The police officer informed me this morning. That’s when I called Jenny.”

  Silent tears escaped and slid down my cheeks as that stupid little bit of hope I had begun to feel, dropped to the pit of my stomach like a stone, making me need to throw up. I knew I should never have hoped. Hope was dangerous, and now I had been hurt again by it, this time in the worst possible way.

  “They never stopped searching for you sweetie. They were always on the news, appealing for witnesses and new information. They coordinated searches constantly, all over the city. They never gave up hope that they would get you back. They loved you.” Jenny added.

  They never gave up on me. That just made me feel even worse because I gave up on them. Some time around day 1000 I decided that I needed to stop remembering them, hoping to see them again. I blocked them out, pushed away memories and gave up all hope. Was that why they died, because I stopped believing in them? Was this my fault for letting hope go?

  “Jenny’s with family services. The Police have informed me you don’t have any relatives left living.

  “Once upon a time I was the same Olivia. I woke from a car accident in this very hospital. My parents were both killed and I had no one.” I looked up into those bright blue eyes in surprise and he smiled sympathetically.

  “Jenny helped me then. She put me with my foster family, and I grew to love them so much. I found my place with them once again, and when I was sixteen they adopted me. You can have that too Olivia. You lost your parents and you’ve been through so much, but you can find a new start and be happy. We’re going to help you make that happen.”

  “How?” I asked. Being happy seemed like a very distant impossibility as I sat there with my thousands of broken pieces rattling loose inside.

  “My adoptive parents, they stopped taking in foster children five years ago, when they were finally able to have a child of their own. They already had four adopted sons, and I had just moved out. They were settled and decided to focus more on their careers and the family that they had, but they are still registered foster carers. They occasionally take a child in if Jenny asks for their help. I spoke to them earlier today about you and they want you to go and stay with them. Jenny can make it happen, if it’s what you want?”

  This was all too much. I had been expecting this beautiful reunion with my parents. I had envisioned tears and hugs, lots of tight, suffocating hugs. Instead I found out they were gone and I was, as I had been for the last 2928 days, completely alone in the harsh world.

  “Olivia, sweetheart, I know this is completely terrifying. All you wanted was your parents and to find out they’re gone…..I know it must be devastating. I’m so sorry. But my parents, Grant and Kiera, they are good people. They will be there for you through whatever comes next. They can help you find your feet and start to live again, and I’ll be there too, to help you. I know it feels like you’re alone, but I promise you, you don’t have to be.”

  I sat thinking as I tried to reign in the stupid, weak tears that were getting free. I was seventeen if my day counting and maths while in The Darkness was right. I only needed to go into care until I turned eighteen, that much I knew. What did it matter where I went? No one could ever fill the huge hole left by the loss of my parents. No one would ever be able to fix me, or make me whole. I was broken and now, alone and without the two people I loved most, I knew I would stay that way. There was no way to repair the level of broken I had been left with, so what did anything really matter anymore?

  At least if I agreed to what Xander offered, I would have him close. I could hold onto the one person I had come to know as a good man, since leaving The Darkness. That seemed like my best and only option in that terrifying moment, so I turned to him with a deep breath and nodded.

  “Ok.” I whispered as I swiped away more tears, angrily. “Ok.”

  “That’s a good decision sweetie. I’ll get the paperwork moving and we can hopefully get you to your new home, and all settled tomorrow.” I looked to Xander with fear and he smiled and nodded.

  “I’ll be right there with you until you feel comfortable.” He reassured me, and it was a comfort. I felt safer when he was near. I didn’t know why or what it was about him, but I knew I was safe with him, that he wouldn’t hurt me or allow me to be hurt.

  At least wherever I was going, I knew I would be safe, because one thing I knew for sure, Xander wouldn’t send me there if it was in any way dangerous. He had my back and knowing that, knowing there was just one person on earth who I could count on, helped ease the pain tearing me apart in that moment, a little at least.

  CHAPTER 3

  I was a wreck. The whole journey from the hospital, and the long drive into the outskirts of the city had scared me to hell. It had been so long since I was in a car, surrounded by fast moving traffic, people and buildings. Xander had been in the back of Jenny’s car with me and he had taken my hand early on when I couldn’t keep it from trembling violently, but it had still been pretty harrowing, all of the sights and the deafening sounds.

  Just leaving the hospital had made me a breathless, sweating, anxious mess. The car ride had been hell, Another car’s horn beeping had sent me completely spiralling and the next thing I knew I opened my eyes, at Xander’s desperate request, to find myself curled up and rocking in the corner of the seat. Xander had talked me down, assuring me I was safe and I just crumbled. He pulled me tentatively into a side hug, giving me the chance to pull away. I didn’t though, I needed the comfort. He held me there the remainder of the journey and I felt a lot safer, though still terrified.

  Now we were approaching the biggest house I had ever seen in my life. To get to it we had driven through huge electronic gates, which Xander had given Jenny a code to punch into a little keypad, to open. We drove up a block pave drive and parked alongside three lar
ge, shiny cars, in front of a row of three garages.

  The house was two storeys and really wide, six huge windows wide on the top floor. It was bright white with a grey roof and out front were beautifully cloloured flowers just everywhere, planted in perfectly straight borders around the driveway, in pots out front of the house and in huge, fancy baskets hanging from hooks beside the door. It was obviously a well loved, very well cared for home, and in a way it made me think of our little cottage, where I grew up before I was taken. While it had been much smaller, it too had been white and adorned with my moms prized planters all across the front, filled with every bloom my mom could grow.

  “It looks like my two youngest brothers are home too, Don’t worry Olivia. They’re all really nice.” Xander said. He still had one arm wrapped around my shoulders and I had given in and allowed myself to shrink into him a little more, intimidated by the huge house before me and the prospect of facing strangers.

  “Don’t leave me.” I whispered. It was the most I had said since the first day with him, but I needed him. I was terrified he would go and I would be alone.

  “I’m staying with you as long as you need me.” He promised, then he led me out of the car, up the four steps leading to the house and straight through the huge dark wood front door.

  The entryway was lined with coat hooks and shelves filled with shoes that ranged from huge sneakers and boots that barely fit in the cubbies, to tiny little pink wellington boots and sparkly buckle ups, obviously belonging to a child.

  “We need to leave our shoes here. My mom’s a stickler for it.” Xander said as he toed off the sneakers he was wearing.

  It had been odd for me when he walked into my room that morning dressed casually in jeans, a black t-shirt and sneakers. He looked so different in them, to how he had looked in the dressier clothes he’d been in every time before, so much more laid back and even more approachable.

  He had brought me clothes too, bought for me by his parents. I had been overwhelmed by their kindness as I had dressed in them that morning. I had new underwear, then some wonderfully soft, slightly stretchy jeans, a pretty pink camisole and a red sweater that felt softer than anything I had ever felt in my life. It had all been brand new with tags still attached, even the fur lined tan boots that I had pulled on last. I had no idea how they knew what size I was. I didn’t even know that information myself, but it had all fit perfectly. It felt so strange to wear real, clean clothes after so long in nothing but a disgusting, oversized t-shirt. The shoes were the oddest thing. My feet felt so confined and tight in them after being barefoot for so long. Luckily the boots were wide and soft, not putting pressure on my battered feet too much.

  Following Xander’s lead, I bent to pull off the shoes and followed as he placed them on a shelf, doing the same.

  Behind us, a blaring chirping rang out, startling me to slam my hands over my ears in panic until it stopped. As I lowered my hands slowly, Jenny spoke,

  “Sorry sweetie. I need to take this. Go ahead. I’ll be in soon.” I looked to Xander, who just nodded, then let him lead my reluctant shaking body in further. I was sweating and breaths seemed to be in short supply as I fought to hold it together.

  We walked through a beautiful entrance hall with a shiny tiled floor and walls painted a pale grey, adorned with hundreds of framed photos of a ton of kids, all looking wonderfully happy as they played on beaches, ate ice creams, flew kites and all manner of other different things.

  There was a wide wooden staircase that led off up on the right side, but Xander took me left and past a lounge that looked just as grand as everything else I had seen so far. I glanced in as we passed the open door and caught sight of curly blonde pigtails poking out from the top of a huge black leather sectional. A little girl. It had been so long since I saw a child. Last time I did, I had been one too.

  We carried on down the wide hallway and came to a large arch, through which I could see a kitchen as big as the whole ground floor of my home as a child. It too was grey walls, with smooth black cabinets and silvery, sparkly countertops. There was little on display, just a coffee machine and a tea kettle. Everything else was meticulously tidy and clean. There was a huge centre island with six stools around one side and just beyond that I saw huge glass doors that looked out over a garden the size of a football field. It too was beautifully landscaped, with flowers everywhere.

  This home really was a piece of heaven. Far too nice for someone as fucked up as me.

  “Here he is!” A soft female voice declared, frightening me and making me cling harder to Xander’s navy coat, He turned, and so I went with him until we came face to face with a very gentle looking woman who was way too young to be called ‘Mom’ by Xander, who was at least twenty six himself. She was petite and curvy, just a little taller than me. She had long brown hair pulled up into a fancy ponytail that hung in curls beautifully. She was dressed in dark jeans and a white blouse, with a red sweater over the top and she wore red chucks on her feet, reminding me of my mom, who loved those damned shoes and had them in every colour of the rainbow.

  She smiled brightly at Xander, then looked to me with the same warm, open smile.

  “Olivia, I’m so happy to have you here,” She said kindly.

  “Olivia, this is my Mom, Keira.” Xander introduced, as I stood awkwardly, too scared to release my hold on him for a second.

  “Hi.” I whispered, not wanting to seem rude.

  “Come and take a seat. Where’s Jenny? She not come in with you guys?” Kiera asked as she turned and walked over to a huge dining table. I counted the chairs and there were twelve! It was made of a very dark wood and the chairs were high backed and black leather. It was set with plates of sandwiches and cakes and there were jugs of water, juice and coffee. The whole place was so grand, I realised I would never dare touch anything for fear of breaking it.

  “She’s on a call. She’ll be in soon. Where’s Dad?”

  “He and the boys just ran to the store. We were out of tea and I wasn’t sure if Olivia would want some.”

  “Probably better Livy gets a few minutes to acclimate without the terrible twosome anyway.” Xander sighed as he pulled out a chair and led me into it. I sat, but kept a handful of his t-shirt tight in my hand, stretching the fabric a little between us. I knew I must look a fool, but I knew that, if I let go, I was going to lose it. Holding onto him, was holding me together.

  Xander smiled as he shucked off his coat, then took the seat right beside me, helping me to relax a little, and allowing me to ask my next concerning question.

  “Terrible?” I whispered to him. That was the word he had used to describe his brothers. Were they cruel? Would they hurt me?

  “It was a joke sweetheart. All of my brothers are good men and they will look out for you. They would never ever hurt you. You have my word. The youngest two though, Cole and Matt, they like to joke around and cause a bit of a stir where possible. You’ll see.” I nodded and tried to look casual, but really I was freaking out. In almost three thousand days, over eight years, it had been just me and The Shadow. How would I ever get used to being surrounded by so many people again?

  “Can I get you a drink Olivia?” Keira asked from where she sat across the table from me. I looked over the table and panicked. There were so many options. Which should I choose? Was there a right selection? I was so used to actions having the harshest consequences, making a decision like that seemed too risky. If I chose wrong, would there be punishment?

  “How about some orange juice?” Xander asked and I let out the panicked breath I’d been holding and nodded. Xander wouldn’t choose anything to get me into trouble.

  Keira poured me a tall glass full and handed it over. Xander reached out and took it before I even moved and placed it right in front of me.

  “Think you could eat something?” He asked as he picked up a plate and started adding a few sandwiches to it.

  “I’m ok.” I whispered back, feeling too anxious to try and eat anything. Xan
der glanced briefly across to his Mom, and they shared a look, but before I could decipher it, Xander was back to grabbing a heaping pile of food. He put it down in front of him, then dove in like he’d never eaten, making his Mom smile lovingly to him.

  “I was so sorry to hear about your parents Honey.” Keira offered as she turned her attention back to me. “I want you to know you have a home with us as long as you need it. We want you to feel settled here, so anything you need, you just let us know. We will do whatever we can to make all of these changes smoother for you.”

  “Thankyou.” I said as loudly as my scratchy voice would allow. I felt tearful and emotional, overwhelmed that so far this new home seemed as amazing as Xander had promised, but also desperately sad that I had to settle here, instead of back in my happy little childhood home, with my parents at my side.

  The front door slamming hard, had me leaping to my feet terrified. I looked to Xander for reassurance, but was stopped by raised voices.

  “Come on Jen-ster. You know you missed me the most!” A deep male voice boomed through the house.

  “Get lost loser! Jen definitely missed me more than your loser ass, right Jen?” A second, slightly accented voice yelled and it completely terrified me. It was too much, too much noise, too much testosterone, just too much. I sank into the chair and curled up, my head tucked against Xander’s thigh below the table, my hands clamped over my ears to block out the shouts I could still hear, though muffled now.

  Xander’s hand fell on my back and started to rub gently, then I heard his rumbling voice, firm, but not loud.

  “Guys, shut the fuck up! You’re scaring Olivia. She’s not good with loud noises.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you two about yelling anyway?” Keira added sharply. There was silence then, and I suddenly realised how crazy I must look to these people. Curled up under their table. I moved my hands from my ears a little, testing the noise level.